Confidence vs. Arrogance: Helping Your Child Build Healthy Self-Esteem

It's easy to confuse confidence with arrogance, especially in kids. However, understanding the difference is vital to raising a child who feels good about themselves without putting others down.

What is Confidence?

Confident kids believe in themselves. They're willing to try new things and not afraid to ask for help when they need it. They bounce back from mistakes because they see them as opportunities to learn.

What is Arrogance?

Arrogance is like confidence gone wrong. Arrogant kids think they're better than everyone else. They might brag, put others down, or refuse to admit when they're wrong.

How to Build Confidence in Kids

Here are some easy ways to help your child feel capable and strong:

  • Praise their efforts, not just their results. Focus on their hard work instead of whether they win or lose.
  • Let them make their own choices. Give them age-appropriate choices to build their decision-making skills.
  • Teach them it's okay to fail. Help them understand that mistakes are part of learning, not a sign of weakness.

The Power of Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are short, positive statements that can help kids (and adults!) build confidence and self-belief. Here are a few examples:

  • "I am brave."
  • "I am kind."
  • "I can do difficult things."

Encourage your child to repeat their affirmations daily, especially when unsure of themselves. Read more about positive affirmations in this post from Firefly Therapy. 

Spotting Arrogant Behavior

It's normal for kids to be competitive, but keep an eye out for these signs of arrogance:

  • Acting like they're better than others. Do they always have to be the best or constantly compare themselves favorably to friends?
  • Being dismissive of others. Do they ignore instructions or talk over people?

How Parents Can Help

What you do matters! Here's how to be a good role model:

  • Show them what confidence looks like. Be humble about your own strengths and own up to your mistakes.
  • Don't overpraise. Too much praise creates unrealistic expectations. Be specific about what they did well instead.

How Schools Can Build Self-Esteem

Teachers play a huge role, too! Schools that do these things help kids feel good about themselves:

  • Teach empathy. Activities that help kids understand others' feelings build stronger connections.
  • Create a welcoming space for everyone. When kids feel accepted, they're more likely to take healthy risks.

Friendships and Self-Esteem

How kids get along with their friends dramatically impacts how they see themselves.

  • Healthy friendships boost confidence. Kids with good friends feel supported and are more likely to try new things. 
  • Competition can be tricky. It can motivate kids or make them feel bad. Help your child focus on doing their best instead of always being the best.

The Dangers of Unrealistic Media Images

Kids see picture-perfect lives all over social media. It's important to remind them that those images aren't authentic.

  • Talk about what they see online. Explain that most photos are edited and don't reflect everyday life.
  • Focus on your child's unique strengths. Help them value what makes them special instead of comparing themselves to others.

When to Get Help

If your child seems to be struggling with low self-esteem or acts overly arrogant, don't be afraid to seek help. A therapist can provide strategies and support to help get them back on track.