Solo Parenting: Thriving Against The Odds
Some parents don’t have a legal spouse to lean back on. Others battle their way through childcare while their partner is always working. Either way, solo parenting became their challenge. In fact, 40% of US children are born to unwed mothers.
And as much as you try to smile through every odd, sometimes it’s hard. Very hard. Single parents must deal with it from birth, buried in baby formula, diapers, and responsibilities. But even if you have your spouse helping occasionally, it doesn’t get that much better.
Don’t give up! Single parent books have a lot of tips and examples from life on how not to break down when you are alone with your own problems but to be confident and move forward. Join other solos in thriving against solo parenting odds, and keep reading this guide to learn some tips and tricks.
What Is Solo Parenting?
You wake up early in the morning to cook breakfast. Your wife or husband prepares for work, eats up, and leaves. Most of the time, they travel for work. Instead of working like them, you’re left home – your children will be up soon, hungry and full of young energy.
As a solo parent, you’ll spend most of your free time with your children. That’s why not all solo parents even consider it their free time. Instead, it’s a form of labor because you don’t just care for your kids but also do house chores. That’s precisely what solo parenting is: your partner works full-time while you’re parenting.
Who Qualifies As A Solo Parent?
The solo parenting debate has been going on for years. In 2023, the term “solo parent” differs significantly from “single parent.” In fact, solo parenting vs single parenting are total opposites.
Single parents are divorced, widowed, or simply no longer in a relationship with another parent. A solo parent, on the other hand, has a partner. Yet, their partner might be traveling for work. That’s why the childcare responsibility falls mainly on the solo parent’s shoulders.
What Are The Benefits Of A Solo Parent?
Despite solo parenting being a daunting task, you will enjoy a few benefits. Since you’re taking care of your children most of the time, you and your children will get each other’s undivided attention. And what’s better than receiving most of your kids’ love?
In addition to that, you’ll find yourself making most decisions. Of course, your partner can weigh in, but you’ll make it final. Freedom and independence will boost your self-esteem, transforming solo parenting into a pleasurable experience.
You and your partner will likely have fewer arguments about raising your kids. Your spouse will likely lean into whatever you decide because you’ll know your children best.
Why Is Solo Parenting Hard?
Of course, solo parenting doesn’t come without hardships. Your spouse will be away for a long time! Whether they’re in the military, a flight attendant, or a truck driver, you might spend months without their help.
Depending on your location and accessibility, not all family members can come to help out, either. So, you’ll take care of most, if not all, responsibilities. Your free time will be greatly limited, and you’ll probably be able to spend time alone in the evenings only.
As a solo mom or dad, kids will be a priority, not your hobbies or interests.
Rising Strong: Essential Tips And Insights For Parenting Alone
All solo parents know it’s challenging to live their day-to-day lives without their partners. Yet, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to raise your children and enjoy it! Here are some of the most essential tips and tricks for parenting alone and thriving as a solo parent.
Stick To Your Schedule
It might seem like you won’t ever need a schedule without a full-time job. Yet, as we’ve already stated, being a solo parent is a job in itself. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to manage your time without a proper schedule.
Your student days are over. You will no longer be able to stay awake until three in the morning and wake up around noon. As a responsible parent, you must wake up early and make breakfast. To be ready for the day, stick to the usual schedule and do everything you planned in time.
Mental Preparation Is Very Important
Given you’re wondering how to become a better parent, try working with your mental state. Because simply starting with your day is not always enough. Solo parents’ emotional state will fluctuate every morning. Remember – it’s unhealthy to dump your negative feelings onto your kids!
If you feel your mental mantras are insufficient, connect with a mental therapist for extra help. Just a few sessions a month will prepare you for solo parenting. Your therapist can teach you how to deal with negativity and become more positive and resilient.
Plan Ahead
Similar to scheduling, it’s essential to plan every day. So, write out everything you need to do from morning to evening and try your best to stick to the initial schedule. That’ll save you time on chores. Moreover, you won’t forget a single responsibility when it’s all written out in a planner.
In case you’ve got something huge coming up – like a birthday party or a wedding – ask your friends or family to help in advance. Make sure you plan the event ahead, and don’t leave your kids without an adult.
Stock Up When Shopping
Finding deals and stocking up on food is a great habit, even without children. When it comes to parenting, especially when you’re the only parent present, stocking up when shopping is a given.
Is your kid still a tiny toddler? Consider buying baby food and diapers in bulk and saving some money. You won’t be worried about missing a diaper when needed and won’t rush to the store in the middle of the night.
The same goes for the food. Non-perishables, frozen, and canned foods can occupy space in your freezer and pantry – they will come in handy!
Give Children Freedom
Depending on your kids’ age and level of maturity, think about giving them more freedom. The concept of free-range parenting has been accepted and endorsed by many parents worldwide.
They state it encourages your kid to explore the world, gain more autonomy, creativity, problem-solving skills, and much more! Be careful, though, and expose your kids to freedom gradually. At the same time, be involved enough to prevent your children from acquiring bad habits.
Do Something Unforgettable Every Week
Whether you’re a solo parent vs single parent, parenting, in general, can become a very dull and monotonous task. You wake up daily and realize you must deal with your children, clean the house, cook, and shop. For some parents, it’s Groundhog Day.
The best solution for breaking the cycle would be to do something unforgettable every week. Take out your kids to the local pizzeria, organize a picnic, or visit an amusement park – there’s a vast range of activities parents can do with their kids!
Make Rewards For Yourself
Sure, your children should always be taken care of. But don’t forget about yourself! Solo wives and husbands deserve a treat, too. Think about your hobbies and interests and plan a special occasion at least once a month. Ask your family or friends to babysit your kid.
Whether doing your nails, going to the movie theater, painting, or playing golf – spend a whole day alone. Thanks to taking care of yourself, you’ll feel much happier and full of energy and love. You’re ready to share this positivity with your kids and spouse!
Resentment Is Normal
Regarding more negative feelings, not all parents and caregivers discuss them enough. In fact, almost all parents resent their children at some point. This minor resentment is normal and can point to several reasons.
This includes not getting enough sleep and feeling tired. Other solo parents feel resentful because they keep recalling their life without children. They want to go back and feel the freedom without kids. Doesn’t matter what your reasoning is, don’t blame yourself for a bit of resentment.
Control Your Emotions
As much as it’s all right to feel that bit of resentment, it’s never okay to show it to your children. No kid would enjoy feeling hated or even a little unloved. That goes out for other negative emotions, too – control yourself when handling your children.
Don’t ever blame yourself for those emotions, and try to accept them. There are reasons you’re feeling that way. Whether giving your kids all your free time, spending financial means on them, or feeling tired, discuss those emotions and reasons with your therapist and find a suitable outlet.
Keep Track Of Your Sleep
Sleep is one of the most essential parts of our daily routine. During sleep, our body regenerates, gets full of energy, repairs itself, and lowers the stress level, among many other functions. So, all solo parents who are busy every day should keep track of their sleep.
To improve your sleep schedule and quality, try to go to bed and wake up simultaneously every day. Also, avoid using anything with blue light (computers, phones, tablets, and TVs) at least half an hour before sleep.
Don't Set Expectations Too High
You might be setting the bar too high as a solo mommy or daddy. Some parents imagine that their kids will understand the situation in their family and be forever grateful. Others hope that their kid loves them more than their spouse. You spend more time with them after all!
Yet, some expectations you set will be too high. Just like any other kid, your child won’t necessarily recognize your struggles. They will be preoccupied with childhood, homework, exploring, and making friends. Don’t expect too much, and you won’t be disappointed.
Asking For Help Is Not A Weakness
Unfortunately, not all solo parents can afford extra help. Whether they can’t pay what a babysitter needs or don’t have family members nearby, they just have to deal with everything alone.
But if you can get assistance, don’t neglect it! Don’t forget that asking for help is not a weakness. Instead, it shows your strength and trust in the people around you. Take some time for yourself while someone else babysits your little ones.
Plan Fun Activities With Kids
While many solo parents feel bored and tired during their parenting process, some kids can also feel the same way. When planning out your week, don’t forget to include fun activities into the routine!
They don’t have to cost much. Take your kids for walks, organize movie evenings, and take up hobbies together. Look up DIY projects and find out whether your children are interested in pottery, sewing, crafting, or even gardening. You could also write and read stories together.
Make A Compromise
Parents who are raising their kids always try to be in control of the relationship. They don’t know that compromising should be taught and used in the family. Yet, it’s one of the most essential and valuable skills your kid can learn when communicating with their parent.
As your kids grow up to be teenagers, you will no longer be able to control them. That’s when they’ll know they can compromise with you. Making compromises will help both you and them reach a point of agreement without bantering and fighting.
Keep Your Routine, But Add Something Special
If you’ve ever been in contact with other families, you know that most of them have little quirks in their routines. Not only do unique routines make children feel safer and accepted, but they can also encourage them to complete chores, homework, and help around the house.
As a solo parent, deal with arguments and frustration by implementing new routines! New good habits can be developed through the routine, too. So, if your kid is just learning daily hygiene, motivate them by singing a song or giving out completion rewards.
What Is The Difference Between Single And Solo Parenting?
Although many people think that single parents and solo parents are the same, they are entirely different. Single parents are widowed, divorced, or separated from their partner. Sometimes, they raise the children together in the form of co-parenting.
Solo parents, on the other hand, are still in a long-term relationship with their partner. Most of the time, they are married. Yet, their partner has to travel due to their occupation and might be absent for months. That’s why solo parents can’t really join any single parent group – their statuses are not similar enough, and they receive different support.
You’re Not Alone – Statistics Regarding Solo Parent
Moving against the odds and thriving as a solo parent is essential. And whenever you feel lonely, remember you’re not alone! Many more solo moms and dads struggle financially, physically, and emotionally.
6.8% of children worldwide live with just one parent present in their household. That’s over 18.5 million children in the US! Most of those households are managed by mothers. In the EU, only 3% of households are headed by men.
18% of solo parents in NZ stated that they don’t have enough means to cover all the family’s needs.
Solo parent society is relatively huge. You can find many solo moms and dads hoping to provide the best childhood for their kids. Thus, you’re not alone. And as much as being only one parent can be challenging, there are various benefits you can enjoy along the way.
You’ll thrive in autonomy, freedom, and independence as a solo parent. Your children will also receive your utmost attention since you’re always home. Don’t forget to make your routine fun and take some time for yourself so you don’t burn out.
FAQs
What Are The Downsides Of Single Parenting?
Despite spending your time with your beloved children, single parenting has some negatives and downsides. Some of them include lacking free time and personal space, feeling tired, and needing more sleep. Sometimes, solo parents feel lost and alone without additional assistance.
What Are The Struggles Of A Solo Parent?
It’s hard to deal with your emotions when it comes to solo parenting. Since your spouse is mostly away and busy, you don’t have anyone to discuss how you feel. In response, those emotions can become a reason you blame yourself. Keep in contact with a therapist to find an outlet for your emotions.
What Percent Of Children Live With Only One Parent?
Unfortunately, there are many single-parent households around the world. 6.8% of children have only one parent to rely on. In the US, half of all children live with a single parent. So, social groups are a natural part of the life of a single parent. Moms and dads exchange their experiences there.
