The Art of Co-Parenting Post-Divorce
Put The Children First
When you’re going through a divorce, it’s only natural to think of your own needs and feelings and to try to deal with your own emotions first – after all, these are what will be on your mind all the time, and it might be that everything else falls to the side while you try to navigate this new way of life.
However, no matter how complex the divorce is or how you feel about it, it’s crucial that you and your ex-spouse always make it a rule to put your children first. This means making decisions based on what’s best for your children and their emotional, mental, and physical well-being. The fact is that your children’s happiness should always be at the heart of everything you do, and although you’ll also need to consider yourself, it’s your children’s well-being that needs to at least start to guide you.
Don’t Be Negative To One Another
When you’re going through a divorce, you’ll feel all kinds of emotions, which will probably be heightened compared to normal, thanks to the stress and conflicting feelings going through your mind. This can easily lead to a negative atmosphere, and you might even find that you’re communicating in a negative way with one another; you could be using bad language, picking at small issues, or generally bad-mouthing one another, for example.
If you want to co-parent well, however, this is something you’ll need to avoid as much as possible, no matter what you feel or why the divorce is happening. The fact is that your children will pick up on this negativity, and it can cause them a lot of stress – they’ll want their parents to be nice to one another because they love you both. It’s also vital not to use your children as messengers or pawns in disagreements; this is your divorce, not theirs, and they need to stay out of it as much as possible.
Get Professional Help When Needed
Co-parenting is hard, and it’s not something you’re going to immediately know how to do, but you’ll be thrown into having to do it anyway. This can lead to more stress and a lot of guilt, and you might find you really don’t know where to turn or what to do for the best.
If that’s the case, don’t hesitate to get help. It might be that a therapist is a wise idea, as you’ll be able to talk things through and get advice to help you have a clearer head so you can make good decisions. If it’s the co-parenting itself that is the issue, you can visit sites like twohealthyhomes.com for advice and information. Or perhaps you’re more comfortable talking to family and friends, and if you know someone who has been through the same thing as you, their insight can be very useful indeed. No matter what, keeping everything bottled up inside won’t help anyone, so always ask for help if you need it.
Respect Boundaries
It’s a good idea to set common rules across both households and to have a routine that works no matter where the children are, and a shared calendar can certainly be a useful thing to have between you both. However, although it’s important to share these things, it’s also important to remember that you and your ex-spouse need to have boundaries and respect the other person’s.
Divorce means your marriage is over, and that means your spouse is going to have their own lives, separate from you, and that’s a good thing – just as it’s a good thing for you to have your own life too. Make sure you give each other space to move forward after the divorce, even if you have children to co-parent together.
